Dont want the FIFO Lifestyle

23-Nov-2013 11:24 PM

Traficante

Posts: 1

In the signature
  Reply

18-Sep-2013 06:39 PM

Kya

Posts: 1

Hi Lilly83 - Should you have to "make the relationship work"?   I always see a partner in the same light as a best friend -who are generally your best friend because you just gel, no effort required.
if the bf didnt listen to me, didnt agree with me and wasn't willing to compromise - they wouldnt be a best friend.     Why put up with it from someone who you could potentially spend your life with?   I returned to my home country once after leaving for a man...it felt like I was returning with my tail between my legs - it was all just a horrible situation...but oh it lead to wonderful things, I now have a wonderful family, house and friends :-)

Food for thought - be strong and do EXACTLY what you want to do :-)

 

  Reply

04-Sep-2013 02:42 PM

Lilly83

Posts: 2



Thanks ladies. I appreciate the kind words and good advice. I'm currently getting the silent treatment as he apparently doesn't want to listen to what I have to say about it anymore. It's soul destroying to be treated like this. I'm grateful for the new friends I do have around me, they are all quite understanding and supportive. I'm sure things will improve in time, one way or another. xx
  Reply

02-Sep-2013 08:07 PM

kk

Posts: 15



Wow. This thread goes to show many aren't living the Fifo dream....
The money is like a drug but I will say in fairness to all the loving, hard working guys out there that many are just trying to get ahead financially either by necessity as local work is not very promising or that the only way they feel they can provide and get the things their family need is by doing this work.
My sis also worked HR for some large mining co's and tells me stories of guys who desperately want to be home, but their wives/ partners are demanding of the high income and things it affords... Just saying this as I don't want the great Fifo hubbies & dads to get pigeon holed into something they are not x
I've realised that bottom line is, times are a bit tough but families should always come first; where there is a will, there is a way. If doing Fifo BOTH partners must be in agreeance and if it gets to hard, both must work to find another way.
I think some men may lack the communication/ insight into how tough/ lonely it can be for wives/ mums/ girlfriends; as they often only see the "happy times" when they are at home and have no idea of the depth of the isolation, part-time single mummy status and all the rest. They may be isolated and away from home but most camps offer some type of mate ship; even just having another adult to chat to through the day is a luxury many women I know, esp those raising small kids, don't always have. Nor are our meals cooked or do we get a clock off time! I can only suggest building a support network, maybe looking into counselling and weighing up what is and isn't ok for you personally. And do a Fifo meet! It can be daunting but most of the women & leaders are really lovely and get where you are at x K x
  Reply

02-Sep-2013 02:55 PM

Vixstar

Posts: 4



Hi, I am sorry to hear your situation with the partner and the fifo lifestyle..I actually just moved back to my home town and brought a home, as I to moved to wa for my hubby and his fifo work..I only lasted 7months though..I felt very isolated, depressed, I was a wreck without my network of friends and family so I totally understand your situation.. Now my hubby never let's me forget how I moved back home and did not stick it out in wa... Easier said than done! I feel that the money is like a drug to some of the men, they just don't know when to stop..it becomes a one sided agreement not a partnership. I understand how alot of families/partners break up with the fifo life. I do hope you feel better, I don't feel I have any good advice as I caved in and went home. I feel for you
  Reply

02-Sep-2013 02:11 PM

Lilly83

Posts: 2

Hi All,

I'm pretty new to this FIFO lifestyle, but I'm just not coping with it at all. I've moved here from across the world to be with my partner, which meant leaving a job I love, and leaving all my wonderful friends and family behind just to be with him. He's been in WA for almost 2 years now without me, and working FIFO almost 6 months on a 4/1 roster. I'm struggling to cope without him. I'm working full time, managing the house, bills, cleaning, gardening, washing... I have met some nice people since arriving but they're just not the same as old friends and we don't have as much in common. I used to be a confident, friendly, happy person, now I'm a wreck and dont even want to leave the house. I've tried talking to my partner but he just won't listen. He just sees the money and to be honest I don't think he cares what I think, he's not leaving and that's it.

I just don't know what to do. I feel so lost and helpless and alone. I'm sorry I ever moved here now. In one breath he says he wants to marry me and have kids but when I tell him that I dont want this lifestyle he tells me to leave him then because he's not giving up this job. It's like I don't even know him anymore. I've tried everything to make this relationship work, there's absolutely nothing left of me that I can give to make it work, and he still wants me to sit around and wait for another '18 months'. I don't have the strength in me to accept and put up with that. I feel so helpless about the whole situation.

I honestly don't know how you ladies do it. I take my hat off to you all.
  Reply

02-Sep-2013 04:53 AM

Vixstar

Posts: 4



Your post was not negative. Thanks for your reply, it is really tough to talk to him as he shuts me down instantly.. He thinks now we have brought a home near my family I should be able to handle fifo lifestyle, don't get me wrong it makes life easier to be close to my family, but no husband/dad home is not the same..we have a good start without mortgage so I don't see the point now with the fifo..I can't work him out..something keeps him wanting to go to work and be away from his children..his a stubborn man..I have alot to consider..I try my hardest to make life happy with the children when dads away but I am very angry and hurt at the moment..will figure this out, just so appreciative of your advice/help..
  Reply

01-Sep-2013 09:19 PM

kk

Posts: 15

Hi again,
Just wanted to add that my post was probably a little on the negative side as I was feeling pretty over it when I wrote it...
Being a fifo mummy has made me realise that I am a lot more capable than I ever knew. I have the utmost respect for anyone in the same situation and I also agree with some of what Fifo Dad was saying in that communication is key.
If finances are not so much of an issue, what is the main reason he is working away? Do you have other financial goals you are wanting to achieve?
It's an awesome situation to be mortgage free!
This isn't my business, but where things going well between you before he started fifo? If you are truly unhappy with the work & he won't consider your feelings then it's def time for a heart to heart.
If this isn't working, maybe try some couples counselling or let him know what you need, the non negotiable things that you expect in your marriage, and find out what is really drawing him to keep doing fifo if it's not worth it for your relationship. We would absolutely not be doing this if a home wasn't so important for us, and come hell or high water, my husband would quit if I told him our marriage was on the rocks... Be strong x Go to a fifo meet if you have one nearby. Ask for help where you can. And if he continues to show a lack of concern over whats important to you, focus on yourself, your kids and building your own life the way you want it x
All the best & keep us posted :)
  Reply

01-Sep-2013 04:57 PM

Vixstar

Posts: 4

Thanks for your support, it has given me alot to think about.  It is a hard lifestyle, even harder when it is one sided..We have 3 children 8,5, and 3 yrs..It is really tough on my son.  I do appreciate your replies - trust me I have looked at them them over and over. 

  Reply

01-Sep-2013 09:27 AM

FIFO Dad

Posts: 10

Sorry to read this vixstar.... He sounds like a bit of a di*k.

I always say to my mrs - we'll only do this (fifo) as long as she can handle it, as I honestly think she has got it the hardest out of the two of us. It ain't easy working away but I'm sure it's a damn sight harder staying at home and doing everything plus working full time as well.

With young kids, we feel that fifo definitely has a shelf life and we are making good moves towards getting out once and for all. *Property investing and recently buying a small business that I can slide straight into after my next round of leave.

Our biggest asset is probably good communication but I think that's the key to any successful relationship. If he won't talk to you then that's your problem, not the fifo lifestyle as it does work for many.

It sounds like he is working hard and providing well for his family but he's not giving you guys any of his time, always being tired and grumpy while at home: Kids need your presence NOT your presents. It must be hard on them, not having Dad in their lives in any real and meaningful way and hard on you to watch.

I would suggest you put him on notice: 'We need to talk' that old chestnut always sends shivers down any blokes spine and it will definitely get his attention. You and the kids NEED him in your lives, not just his money and not just his tired and grumpy shell.

There are plenty of good tips on here about how to stay connected, Skype when he's away at work and hopefully in a good mood? Find out his ideas for staying connected? Activities that he wants to do as a family when he is at home? Short trips away together whatever.... something?

Tell him your issues (which are fair and reasonable) and give him time to stew on a response before you sit down for a real deep and meaningful but something definitely needs to be done and he needs to communicate with you.

Good luck 

FIFO Dad

  Reply

28-Aug-2013 07:06 PM

kk

Posts: 15



Hi Vix,

Really do empathise, I feel quite similar and believe this is the Fifo trap... The wages are so high in comparison, the lifestyle is long hours but a bit of an adventure/ boys club and sometimes men think that providing a larger income means they get out of other things; and it really can suck. We have small children and little support so it's been incredibly hard on me. The kids have "adjusted" but not sure if this is good or bad... I could bang on about the benefits, time off etc but the reality is, everything comes with a price.
In the current economy, I could imagine the pressure on normal guys to stay employed and keep a roof over their families head, but I still feel a certain sadness wondering if one day, he will look back with regret.
We recently had an older man here to do maintenance and he explained his marriage broke down after years of oil rigs and the one thing he regrets is not seeing his kids grow up. He said he'd swap every dollar for more time with them... Not everyone's story, but food for thought... All you can do is what you can do and be completely honest about how you feel, why, and offer alternative solutions. Do you do a fifo meet? It can help to vent in the interim. Let me know how you go, but remember you are not alone; many woman feel this way and rightly so at times xxx
  Reply

28-Aug-2013 04:27 PM

Vixstar

Posts: 4

Hi Everyone, I am finding it difficult to talk to family regarding this as they do not understand (they are like, good money suck it up)..

Is Anyone else so over the FIFO lifestyle and beg there husband not to work away anymore BUT there Husband ignores them an keeps doing it..He makes no effort to look for local work..We have no mortgage as we just brought a home (due to my accident claim)..The children suffer, I suffer and have no idea what to do..Has anyone else been through this? Feel like he is a different man..eg when home he is too tired to do anything with the children, grumpy all the time..Any advice would be so much appreciated..

Feeling Sad 

  Reply